confessions to the beloved.

By VIJAY

 “I love you, I want to rest in your lap and feel your essence, I want to eat with you, I want to share my inner beast with you, I want to kiss you on your forehead, I want you to kiss me on my forehead, I want to kiss you and run away if you don’t allow me to do it, and I want you to like it, I want to play with your hair, I want to play with your cheeks, I want to kiss your cheeks, kiss them slowly and insanely more than some fucking millions times so that my lip marks stays on your cheeks, I want to do it everyday so those lip marks stays where they belong,  I want to bite your lips: instantly and intensely, I want to talk sweet little nothings with you, I want to share how I became a loner, a psychopath, well that’s the name you gave me, I want you to beat me, I want you to kiss me wild, I want you to play with my inner child, I want you to rest in my lap, I want you to allow me have my hand on your thigh and your hand on my hip with my head taking peaceful breath in you shoulders, I want you to cuddle with me all the time, I want you to play with my beard, (what more has left when you have already played with my heart, but I loved it.) At least you are the one I have exposed myself and I want to expose more to you cause I am a bitch, a writer who has exposed all of it with some of it still left, I want to kiss you every time I leave for the work, I want you to kiss me every time after getting home from the office, I want you to converse with me all the time, I don’t want to rub the skin but surely I want some energy transferring, some heart to heart phenomena happening between me and you, not the filthy fucking and saliva tasting bitchy process,  I want you to know what I want to say even before I think about it, I want you to be the light of my soul, I want to give half of my body and soul so we both become one, the one with one identity and being, feeling and expressing and experiencing the same, I want it anyway, I want all of it, I don’t want to miss the single bite of your soul, I want the bite of truth, I want to taste your soul and you mine, I want your naked soul dancing with my naked soul, I want our souls naked so that others get mad about our madness.”

I might die this very moment, I am scared of you, I can’t even attempt to talk to you, but you ask me “why are you not talking to me,” you have disturbed me again, I can’t forget you anymore, you revolve in my imaginations, you say “I love you” in my imaginations. But hold on, I  finally have some courage to propose you, here it is “I love you,” this is it. I hope at least you hate me.

Now tell me What more can I do, just a rotten mechanical engineer with a little energy to  “beat it.”

But what to do, half truth is dangerous than a full lie. This is just my half assed confession, a train of thoughts are waiting to be exploded. I hope someday you open your heart to me.  Just a little. Just some of it, saying “I hate you.” That would do me good.

But hell…. you love someone. You say “No,” to me.  I want to kill him, but “NO,” you love him.

Let it be that way this time.

God! Are you there, with your celestials dancing in front of you with a glass of wine, resting one of your hand on the asses of never dying babes,  with beard long enough to tie knots to the souls like me who loved and never got it back.

God are you there, next time I meet you I will take a 120 inch dildo and jam it back in your arse hole which would look ugly when you scream from bottom of your lungs which would show up in your mouth, next time you won’t scream, so that it stays where it belongs, you son of a bitch, your filthy fucker. Like you have made my heart numb with over exaggerating couples drinking and fucking and feeling in front of me.

God when are you going to make her enlighten me.

To be continued.

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